It had been three days.
Have you ever had something that you needed to do but because of your own fears you held yourself back from actually doing it?
Well, that’s the kind of situation I find myself in at the moment. I mean, three day has passed since my talk with Jade and I still don’t have the guts to tell my friends how I feel.
It’s taking me a long time to grow some balls and just talk to them. I’m talking 72 hours of restless nights and anxious days.
You know, one night I even went so far as to pick up the phone and text them a long message about needing to tell them something. …I just didn’t get around to telling them what that ‘something’ actually was.
I know, stupid me. But hey, I am scared. No, I am completely terrified. These things take time. I am still prepping.. emotionally.
I mean, what am I suppose to do? Waltz up to them and be like- “Um, excuse me, can you not like, love each other around me?” How else are they going to act like? That’s what couples do. They actively show that they are in love– or in “like” whatever you want to call it. And because I know this, I feel that it would be unfair for me to ask my friends to tone down their affections for each other when they were around me. Yet, I can’t help but feel awkward and a little weirded out when I saw them turn their doe-eyes on each other and get all handsy with one another.
But alas, when they came over to my house with the intention of hanging out, I knew the time had come.
So gathering guts I didn’t possess, I resolved to tell them as soon as they walked through my bedroom door and mentally prepared myself to not crumble.
Then I saw their smiling faces.
Well, I least I could say I tried, right?
Ha, I wish! Right when I thought I was gonna get off scotch-free, they brought up the topic. Darn that text!
The conversation went a little bit like this…
“Hey, Juu!” “June!” Charlene and Ling Ling called out to me as they walked through my bedroom door holding hands.
“HEY guys!” I started out enthusiastically but faltered when I saw their intertwined hands. “You made it.” For some reason the room had a different kind of air about it that made my skin crawl.
“Of course,” Charlene said plopping her petite body on my bed. “So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”
I froze. “Huh?”
“Yeah June, what was that text all about. Is something wrong?” Ling Ling asked as he sat behind Charlene and began massaging her back.
“I um.. well…”
“Ow!” Charlene’s yelp cut off my excuse. “Get off of me, you’re hurting me. I want Ju to give me a massage!” She added as she playfully shoved him to the side and looked up at me, “Juu?”
Chuckling, I climbed in the spot where Ling had been originally and started to gently moving my hands in a circular motion against her back. Secretly, I hope that they would just drop the whole thing altogether. But naturally, luck was never on my side.
“You know we are still waiting, right?”
My hands paused on Charlene’s back and I knew there was no backing out of this hole I had crawled so graciously in. How was I gonna approach this topic? What do I say?…
“Um..um, I don’t really know how to say this–“
“Just say it like it is,” Ling interrupted. “We can handle it.”
“Yeah, we’re here for you,” Charlene agreed.
“Well, um,” I stalled, “can you guess what it could be about?” If they could do that then half of my struggles would be erased.
“No, I thought everything was fine. I thought everything had been settled the first time we talked about us dating,” Ling stated casually unknowingly undermining any confidence I had in getting this conversation over quickly.
“Ahh, I see.”
“Juu, just tell us straight. What’s bothering you?”
There was no delicate way in approaching this topic, I would just have to come out and say it. And that’s exactly what I did.
“Do you guys think I act a little differently when I am around you guys? I’m a little bit more reserved and quiet. Do you know why? It’s because I no longer know what my place is in this friendship anymore. I feel as if it is the duo plus one; I no longer feel as a trio like we used to be. I was just wondering– can you guys can dial back on the romance when we are together and act like we used to be before you guys started dating? I don’t want you guys to feel like I’m trying to hinder you, I just wanted to let you know that was how I felt this whole time.”
I guess you can say a load has left my chest for being so honest with them. I think I might’ve done the right thing to save our friendship.
..Well, I guess that all depends on how they will respond…
**Gifs found on Google Images**