Some weeks have passed since the my friends announcement and I am beginning to warm up to the idea of them dating. The sappy looks they give each other, seeing them hold hands, and look at each other adoringly doesn’t affect me like it used to. I find myself actually wanting to spend less time with them so they can have some bonding time with each other. I mean, I guess its a good idea. They’d come to resent me eventually if I’m always with them never giving them alone time, right?
Yet, somehow now there’s this nagging, lonely feeling that strangely wasn’t there before this whole dating thing. I can’t figure out if it’s me being jealous of the more intimate relationship they share or if I’m just lonely as a person. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? It’s like there is this odd, hole inside my heart that wasn’t there before they started dating. I’ve asked myself if could possibly be that I feel left out because of their new-found relationship and at first I thought it was, but now I’m not so sure. I mean, I’ve had a ton of friends who I was close to before who’ve started dating and I got over it so that couldn’t be it.
So I thought, maybe it’s because I don’t have a boyfriend to share that kind of relationship with either, but that didn’t really make sense because I had been single all this time and it never really bothered me before so why would it bother me now? It’s not like all my friends were single when I was single. They aren’t the first relationship I’ve seen friends go through, so why?I didn’t think it mattered and I shrugged the feeling away living my life the way I wanted to …until I got into contact with an old friend.
You know those kind of people who seem to have something happen in their life that changes them drastically in the span of a year or two? Or those people who have something interesting happening in their lives everyday? Do you ever feel like crap when they re-enter your life and see that not much has changed since the last time you saw them or is that just me?
“So, how has your love life been going?”
That question will be the death of me.
How can so many people be interested in my love life? These kind of questions get to me, ya know? It’s like I’m walking on ice when it comes to this sort of things. All my friends are dating, getting engaged and married and here I am single as anyone could possibly get.
But then, that friend poised the question-“Why don’t you approach the guy first?”
Is it just me or is that like a complete NO for anyone else? But she seemed to think it was a great idea. “Take a rose into your class, hand it to some random guy and see what he says,” she told me.
See, for me that’s a little much. Not to mention kind of tacky. It doesn’t matter if I stay single for the rest of my life, the last thing I want to be called is desperate and that seems a little too close to it for my liking. Now, don’t get me wrong, I never said that girls who approach guys first were of the desperate kind, just that it’s not my thing.
In all honesty, I think those girls who can go up to a guy and make all the first moves- ask him out, be the first one to kiss him, hold his hands, and take all the initiative in the relationship- have a high confidence level and I somewhat admire them. However, if I make all the moves in the relationship I will feel like the other person is forced to be in the relationship with me. Like there is no cooperation on his part, you know? I don’t mind making some of the first moves in the relationship, I just won’t start it by asking the guy out first.
It seems like more and more guys are digging assertive girls, though. Why is that? Is it really frowned upon if a girl waits for the guy to approach her now-a-days? I mean, it’s not like I want to be in a relationship so badly that I will approach a guy first. I guess you can say that’s like my very last option. ..If I go that far.